ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
