she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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