If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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