no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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