If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
