If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
