she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
