He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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