dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
