Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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