There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
