Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
