I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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