My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
