I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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