A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
