When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize