I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
