Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
