Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
