she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
