I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
