Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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