my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize