I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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