I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
