I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
