I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
