Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
