fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
