I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize