I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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