i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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