ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
