Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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