This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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