She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
