Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
