I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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