but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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