that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
