Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize