I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
