Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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