one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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