Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
