She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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