remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
