kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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