So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
