It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
