Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sex in a hospital.. check
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
