Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
