Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
