Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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