she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
