I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
