then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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