finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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