party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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