im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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