I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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