all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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