I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
