I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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