I wish I could teleport
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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