we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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