I love black thongs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
