is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
