Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
