i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
