I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
