Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
please don't ironically join a cult
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
