You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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