hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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