I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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