he shaved USA in his pubs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
