and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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