McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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