i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
