And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
