of course. lets lasso hookers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
