As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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