Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
