Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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