I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
