i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
