The brown eye won't let me do that either.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
