I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My life is pants optional.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
