My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
