it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize