My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
