I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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