Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
