His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
