you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
