You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
