i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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