Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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