oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
