Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
bring money and cleavage
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
