I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize