I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
