she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
