I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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