Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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