They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
