So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
