I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
