How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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