I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We left the knife in your bed.
Just pee around me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
