Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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