i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
