Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just cropdusted the office
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
