Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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