i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
