Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
