you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize