We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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