Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
