Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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