jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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